A little break

After a few weeks of pretty intense stress and sicknesses I took off down to Washington for a little R&R with my non-biological sisters. I always feel a sense of relief and peace when I'm with them. I guess that comes from over 35 years of knowing someone and spending my entire youth connected at the hip with these girls. They certainly know me and live me like know one else does and for that I'm sooo grateful! But with traveling down to Washington comes the reality that I am off our Island in in the land of cheap and exciting shopping adventures. So even though I came down with one small tiny suitcase and a very strict budget, I realized that I would be foolish not to take care of some of my needs and a few wants. 

So here I now sit after lugging a couple hundred pounds of cheap canned good and my favorite healthy no calorie soda "Zevia" (7 cases)and a new patio umbrella up a huge incline onto the Anacortez ferry. Never before did I realize how steep that incline was but I certainly do now.  Thank goodness for my sister lending me her suitcase as it would have been rather humorous watching me juggle 10 grocery bags full of stuff! 

Now I just get to sit and enjoy the scenery. The San Juan islands are sprinkled in the ocean between Washington State and Vancouver Island they look majestic this morning with the cloudy mist that hovers around each little land mass. I adore this part of the country! 

I'll never forget how the smell of the ocean made me cry after I had been living on the southern East coast for 3 years. It had been probably 6 years since I had been to my island and just getting on the ferry in Washington and smelling that amazing salty air and hearing those sea birds was a precious reminder of who I really am. You can take the girl off the island but you'll never take the island out of the girl!

Deciding to Blog yet again

Ok.. so after more than a year of not even looking at my blog. Yesterday I took a look at it.. and discovered to my horror that all my pictures were gone. I of course was devastated, but realized that if I'm going to use this as a sort of Journal I'm going to have to keep better care of it. Backing it up etc. So today I am back online.. and starting fresh. I will have to work on fixing the old blog posts, but I cannot wait until they are fixed to begin: I need to start today.
I realized how much of my wonderful life I'm not documenting. And it makes me sad to think that all the good and even some of the negative are lost or mostly lost to memories I may or may not be able to recall when I want to. So today is the next new beginning. Thank you Bridian for inspiring me to begin again. If it wasn't for you and your blog I wouldn't have had the opportunity to understand what your life was looking like to follow your adventure through the most tragic events that life could throw your way, but to also see the joys you experience. And I realize that I have made many wonderful friends who live at different corners of the earth, that might just enjoy a glimps into what is going on in my life. Hope you enjoy it all!!

My How LIfe Changes

Today I am packing my boxes.. And preparing for a move again.. I hate moving. Those who know me I'm sure think I must Love moving. We do it so often so I must love adventure and moving. But For all those foolish people who believe that about me. THINK AGAIN. I am a home body. I like stability and I hate to move. I wish I never ever had to move again. I just know that in order to make necessary changes in my life sometimes I need to move.

So I'm at it again. Packing and stressing and packing some more. I have been suffering with anxiety alot lately. Last night I woke up in the wee hours of the morning full of terrible anxiety. I hope I will survive this move. It is getting harder for me to survive the daily challenges I'm faced. The older I get the more I crave STABILITY.

I am so sad to leave this wonderful place I have called home for 3 years. I will miss the people who made me feel so loved and needed. For the first time I have lived in a place where people loved me without judgements. I was able to be me and that was good enough. Its so wonderful to be loved unconditionally for your heart. That your outward appearances are of less importance than how much money you make. That what is most important is your willingness to serve others.
Of course I don't want it to seem that I haven't lived in other wonderful places. I have the most amazing dear friends in Calgary, and Raymond. I couldn't have survived without the friends I made in those towns who loved me even though I'm quirky and strange sometimes. But here I just fit. I found a place where I was ok no matter what. I will miss feeling like we are needed and important to the ward we served in. I hope I don't end up in a country club ward (as our Bishop likes to call them) where we wont be needed. I love to serve and so does Johnny.

So Off to Vancouver Island we go. To be close to Family and the most exciting thing is to finally live close to my oldest and one of my dearest friends. My childhood best friend Sheira. The other day I was thinking about our friendship and realizing that we have been dear friends for over 30 years now. Its amazing. Malia is spending the next few weeks or so visiting with her Auntie Sheira.. And her (cousins). She is having the time of her life with them. Its reminds me so much of all the wonderful crazy times I shared with Shi when I was Malia and Rachel's age. So off we go to a new beginning but a familiar home. I'm coming full circle as I go to my childhood home -Victoria BC.

Miracle's

Yesterday was a day I will never forget. After sacrament meeting I went up to visit and talk with my friend Scherrie Bethel. Sherrie was making some phone calls and looked very concerned. She said she was calling all the local hospitals looking to find Melva (one of our beloved older sisters in the ward) Melva wouldn't miss church for anything and she wasn't answering her phone. I had spoken with Melva on Wed. to try and arrange to go over and help her do some vacuuming and cleaning her bathtub because she found it very hard on her back to do those things and the YW wanted a service activity. She told me not to come that she was fine.

Let me Give you a little background about Melva. She Joined the church a couple of years ago, when I was the compassionate service leader in the ward. Melva loves the gospel, she is a Jamaican lady who seems quite alone. Her family is far away and a bit disconnected from her. During those first few months after her baptism I had the opportunity to serve Melva. To help her during a time of crisis. She never wants to accept help, she is very independent, but she was incredibly grateful when it came. I grew to love Melva, she endeared herself to me and I think all those who have also had the opportunity to serve her. She used to tell me.. "sista carta .. you are my family. I love you. I couldn't survive without you". Little did Melva know that she in fact was helping me to survive. Her joy at seeing me and hearing my voice made me feel like any little effort I made was golden. That I was a treasure to her. I love her for making me feel so valuable. When I got called as YW president, I had to pull away a bit from Melva, I no longer had the time to spend helping her, as I had 12 Young Women to attend too. But I tried to make sure that no week passed where I didn't seek her out and give her a big hug and kiss and give her my ear for a few minutes. It was not enough, I feel saddened by my busyness.. I didn't make enough time for loving.. I have been spending too much time administering. I will change that. Melva has had 5 stokes in the past few months.

So back to my story, by the time Church had finished, Scherrie and her husband Bishop Bethel were extremely worried. Sister Lealii'e'e (an older lady -who calls her everyday) had not been able to get in contact with her, the home teachers went over no one answered the door. No one had heard or spoken to her since Thurs. But it took us all being in the same location to determine that fact. Finally after church, the Bishop called 911 and the emergency services went over they knocked down her door.They found her barely conscious lying on the bathroom floor. We followed the ambulance to the Hospital and waited in the emergency waiting area until we were allowed to see her.

Bishop and sister Bethel and I walked into the room and saw the most upsetting sight. She was moaning and crying. When she saw the Bishop she cried "oh bishop bishop I have been praying and asking the Lord to tell you to come find me, the Lord has answered my prayers" She was so happy to see him. She loves him very much. She talked of how she had fallen and couldn't move. She said she had been on the floor all day she said. I asked her what day it was today and she said Thursday. I cried as I told her "oh Melva. its Sunday today." Melva's left arm was almost flat and blistered from lying under her body for 4 days. Her face was swollen and she appeared to have suffered another stroke as her left side was sagging. My whole soul ached to see my friend in this condition. But, I am filled with gratitude that the Lord helped her to get through this horrific experience. She was obviously in and out of consciousness, enough that she wasn't aware of how long she was lying there. The Bishop ministered to her and gave her a blessing. All will be well. She is not done here on this earth. I don't know if its Melva who still has to learn (I doubt that, I suspect Its us). She is here for a little while longer to teach us more. She is precious, I will forever be grateful. We have much to learn in the proper care of our elderly. I have much to make better in my own life.

The older sisters in our ward are our lifeblood. They all have become very precious to me. Today I imagined how painful it would be to loose any of the them.
I love to listen to sister L and her stories. I'm blessed to be her Visiting Teacher and to be fed by her every month. She is a true saint.
Sister Elam is our Oldest sister. I visited with her at Christmas in her home late one night. I need to do more for her.
Sister Smith, I had her teach the Young women last week in our ward as part of my lesson. She is a special woman. Every week I seek out each of these women and collect the most amazing hugs and kisses from them. I sincerely don't think I could survive the amount of work it takes to be a leader in this ward without these ladies love. They brighten my Sunday's. They make me feel like I am home. That I still have a grandmother close by and that I am loved.
Please all those who have taken the time to read this.. please go find yourself an older more wiser friend and give them a hug. They need to know they are still of worth and you need to know how good it feels to be loved.

A crazy year in summary

What a crazy year I have been having. It all started in Oct of 07 when I got called as YW pres. That felt like a huge calling as I contemplated all my responsibilities including needing to train the ladies who were called because they had never served in YW before. In January I discovered that I needed to have $2000 ready to give to the stake to pay for girls camp, which was held at the end of March. This required me to put on 2 fundraisers in 6 weeks which turned out to be an exhauting task. I did it and we pulled it off amazingly 2 days before girls camp started. So I didnt get much time to recouperate before being responible for my 16 YW and being the tent mom for the 3rd year girls ( whom I adored). I left girls camp comletely and utterly exhausted, although I enjoyed the experience. I ended up sick and in bed for a full week as I tried to recouver.

Then the packing began. I started packing up the house becasue we had decided to move to a bigger house that we could settle more comfortably in. I was exited because we would have a pool, lots of room and two bathrooms for the 5 girls in our house. We were pretty eager to get out of the house we were in as it felt so small.
We packed everything up and then on May 30 we moved to the house. John went to the storage unit and brought all the boxes from our house in Canada and then the entire contents of the Florida house all into the one house. We had lived for almost 2 years in the the US so we had accumulated a whole lot more stuff.. I HATE STUFF!
The house we moved into was a disaster. It was left filthy. I had a wonderful group of friends who volunteered to help me get it cleaned. Dont forget I also had to clean the house I was leaving. As we cleaned this house though we discouved what looked like huge amounts of black mold in the bathrooms. Then we found more in the master bedroom. In dispair I realized that we could not stay in this house, that it was unsafe to sleep in a house full of black mold.
That night we slept at a friends. It took us a week to finally get in contact with the Landlord. We offered to do the work for free to get it fixed if she would pay for materials. Then she informed us that not only did she not have the money to repair the problem, but she had spent all the $5100 in deposit we had given her on the house and could not pay us back.

It was at this point we realized that we were pretty much homeless. We could not use anymore money for a deposit on another house, becuase John needed it for running his business. I had 2 housefulls of stuff in a moldy house and no place to go. For the first little while we stayed at a dear friends house (the Zanatta's), but I didnt want to overstay my welcome so we looked for another arraingement as quickly as possible. We discouverd another frined who had an empty condo, they allowed us to stay in it for a few more weeks. So we moved some of our stuff in there as we tried to make some decisions about what to do and where to go next.

To make a very long story as short as possible, we moved 4 times in one month. At the end we put everything we owned back into storage and we flew off to canada to celebrate with Gok his highschool Graduation and then off to mexico (to stay with my mom and dad) for the rest of the summer while JOhn worked to try and get our family back on its feet.

Now we are living in a 2 bedroom apt in fort lauderdale. Its far from nice or the comfort we are used to, but we are here because John wasnt able to catch us up as fast as he would have liked due to 3 cars breaking down and a number of medical expenses I encured in Mexico treating all my kids dental needs.

At first I hated being here, It seemed like prison. But now I see it as an opportunity. It is cheaper that if we were in a house, and the costs of being here are low enough to help us get on back on top.

I am trying to be more grateful for what I do have, and not so grouchy about the past and the trials in my life. It is hard sometimes, but I feel myself making progress. I am learning that I cannot control my life. Its the Lord who runs the show. If he feels its time to prune the Carter's to help them to grow. Then I cannot stop the prunning. It hurts to be pruned, but the Lord wants us to bring forth more fruit (good works) and the sciprtures teach us that it is through this pruning that the Lord helps his people to produce the best quality fruit of the vine.

Im sure I am in for more pruning in my life. Im sure Its not downhill from here, but my prospective has changed and improved and I am growing.

Bloggers unite

Today I stumbled upon Malia's blog and read Daysie (Dana my sister's) blog as well. Even though today I didn't read My dear sister Kara's blog, She too has one that is fun to read. I found how much I enjoyed reading the writing and musing in their entries. I am such a photo hog that I usually blog around my photography, but I realized that what I enjoy the most is hearing the words of the people of love and the pictures are just a bit of candy. So thanks to the inspiration of my daughter and sister I decided not to procrastinate any more and blog away today. Thanks Daysie and Malia... you gals are great. I find living so far from people I love, that reading their blogs make me feel like I'm still close.

Belize City

When we arrived in Belize City. The other's went off on a tour and Sierra, Tanisha and I went into the city to see what it's like. We took a tour on a dilapidated horse drawn carriage and was accosted by every desperate Belizian we came across. It was a very uncomfortable place to visit. I am not a diva who isn't accustomed to 3rd world conditions. But I will never have the desire to return to Belize city again. It is a very dirty, desperate place. It feels dangerous and reminds me a lot of Jamaica. The people that I ran into hadn't perfected their stories to tell the tourists and they changed rapidly as I questioned further. I dislike being lied to so it made the experience harder for me to stomach. We negotiated a hair braiding and bought a few trinkets to try and help the people out. But their prices where ridiculously over inflated and all Mexican made. Can you tell Belize City wasn't a favored destination.. Not a recommendation. On the other hand, Malia, Chey and John had a wonderful visit to the ruins and an even more memorable dinner. So I am glad they took that adventure. I will do the same if I ever find myself in that situation again. Its always fun though to be with my little girls. We had fun together, just because we were together.